so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
