At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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