I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
