I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
