I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
