saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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