Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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