yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
