Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
