operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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