my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Alive.
So much puke
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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