He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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