nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
