In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
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when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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