You're so nebulous sometimes
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
