I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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