I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
