I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
