i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We had sex on a dog bed..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
