How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
