is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Farmville is her only friend.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
