His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
