One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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