you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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