Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
