yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
