I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
