The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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