Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
