I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
