Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
