either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
