I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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