they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
