Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
