im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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