I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
