Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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