Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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