is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
