No stitches, just platelets and will power
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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