Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
