filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
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You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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