i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
ok first of all what the fuck
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
