So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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