Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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