Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
