I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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