At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
