I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
