I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
