i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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