Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
