Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
