he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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