just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
