Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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