My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
