I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it glows. i had to have it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
