apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
