I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
