Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
