I just cut my nipple shaving
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
