My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
