smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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