I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
