My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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