He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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