It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
