I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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