You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
