Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
