is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
