Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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