did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
