Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
