If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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