My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
