I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
