is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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