I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
