he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
