Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
