we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
